Birthday scares

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Birthday scares


A bucket of cockporn for three

What do we say when we fart 

The answer would be “excuse me”…not “it wasnt me mummy, it was the stinky man behind me.” 

Standing in the queue in EuroSpar there was an unmistakable “ppft” and, mortified, I whisper-spoke (is that a thing) to Olivia the usual phrase only for her to loudly declare her innocence and both my face and the face of the aforementioned man, to turn puce with embarrassment. Apologises muttered to the perpetrator and then to Olivia for my misjudging, I scarpered out of there as fast as my two legs could carry me. Not the first time she has landed me in it. 

As adults we learn to keep certain things to ourselves, which makes the funny or brutally honest things that littles say all the more hilarious and sometimes excruciatingly embarrassing. Here are my two more of those very moments: 

Mummy loves cockporn 

Out in Swords for the day when we were a family of three, our car broke down. Luckily we got towed to a nearby mechanic who assured us the problem was easily fixed but that it would take a few hours. Rather than getting the bus back to Skerries we decided to kill some time in the Pavillions. While there we noticed that Paddington Bear 2 was due to start in the cinema – perfect. That would wind away a few hours. Tickets bought we headed to the concessionary stand. Based on the subtitle I think we all know where this is going. 

Snacks ordered, popcorn and a criminally large amount of ice cream, Olivia who had just turned two, tells the hormone riddled teenager serving us that ‘My mummy loves cornporn”. Bad enough on it’s own but I was heavily pregnant at the time which only made the whole situation even more embarrassing. 

Taking too long to poop

Why on earth are the locks on family toilet rooms within toddler reach?? Those doors need more locks than a cell in Alcatraz. 

Picture the scene, it’s a busy Friday afternoon in a play centre, the eldest, having panicked and announced to the world that she needs to pee, is racing across to the toilets. In we go for some quality mother-daughter toilet time, thankfully in a cubicle big enough for the two of us, and up she sits on the toilet seat. After Olivia had finished her business I decided to answer Nature’s Call myself and we swapped places. 

A move that, in most circumstances, is not something to share with the world. But Olivia, with all the patience of an energised three-year-old, decided that I was getting in the way of her playzone fun. She reached up, unlocked the door, and opened the cubicle for all to see me with my jeans around my ankles. Then she ran out and announced to everyone ‘Mummy you’re taking too long pooping, I’m going down the slides’. 

Baby bum

I am sure I am not the first, and certainly I wont be the last parent to have their child loudly pass comment on a largers persons shape. Standing in the elavator in the Pavillions on a busy Sunday afternoon a lady with a fair round behind gets on with us. It was around the time one of the creche workers had just finished up in work to start her maternity leave. Naturally her changing shape drew questions from the unfiltered minds of 12 or so three years olds. All of which were answered perfectlly and Olivia proudly updated us on the fact that she knew a baby lives in a house inside it’s Mummy until it is born. 

Unfortunately for me it seemed she took away that big body parts = baby growing and so in the cramped lift she loudly asked me ‘Mummy why is that ladys baby in her bum and not in her belly. As soon as those doors opened, I slipped out dragging Olivia whileher still pointing at the baby in the bum. We werent even on the right floor but no way could I endure another three levels with my cheeks flying out of me.

So yes it’s true, Kids can be cute, sure, but without a doubt they can be really, really embarrassing, and it just seems they choose to have their most humiliating moments tends to happen with there’s an audience. All we can do is grin and bear it….and of course store all the gems away somewhere to bring out and re-tell them and their friends in their teenage years. 

Thomas the tank and his duel with Dettol

This week we talk about children and accidental poisoning. We had a terrible experience when Thomas drank some Dettol. Thankfully he is ok and we are trying to chalk it down to a tough lesson learned.

Through chatting with others we discovered that 1 in 4 cases presenting to a&e in children’s hospitals is due to accidental poisoning. Unfortunately it is very common and one thing very few people know about is the National Poisons Information Centre.

The NPIC have a specific Public Poisons Information Line (01 809 2166) aimed particularly at parents and those caring for young children.I If you suspect accidental poisoning has occurred, the NPIC can rapidly advise if you need to seek urgent medical attention for your child. This service is available between 8am and 10pm, every day. Outside these times you should contact your GP service or a hospital emergency department.

Calls to he NPIC are answered by Poisons Information Officers who are science graduates with a post-graduate qualification in Medical Toxicology. The Poisons Information Officers are responsible for providing accurate and specialised information about acute and chronic toxicological issues, and to assist in the management of poisoned patients.

Our experience with the NPIC was amazing. They advised us what exactly was toxic in Dettol and how much would be dangerous for Thomas based on his weight. Their speedy assistance and instructions were commended by the doctors in Temple Street who reiterated to us that the NPIC should be the first point of call in the case of accidental poisoning.

By sharing our story we are hoping to make more people aware of the service and to have the number to hand in their homes.

Thomas the tank and his duel with Dettol

The National Poisons Information Centre is available at and the help line is available 8am – 10am on 01 809 2166.

My top quick dinner recipes

We all have those evenings when we get home from work or a day out with the wee ones and haven’t a scrap ready or prepped for dinner. I recently asked on Instagram what people would like me to blog about in relation to being a working Mummy. One question that came up time and time again was inspiration for quick dinners on those manic evenings. So I have pulled together some of my go to meals – different options for different levels of effort and number of fucks given.

Sweet mince with pepper, peas and broccoli

· Chop and start to steam two handfuls of small broccoli florets.

· Stick on the frying pan to a medium – high heat and add ½ tsp of sesame oil. When warm add 500g mince to the pan along with 2 gloves of minced garlic.

· While that is frying off, whisk together 4 table spoons of low salt soy sauce, 2 tbsp maple syrup (if wee ones are under one year old) or 2 tbsp honey, 1 1/2 tbsp sesame oil, ½ tsp mild chilli powder, few dashes of ground ginger.

· When the mince is brown drain off any juices and return to heat then stir in the sauce mixture.

· Chop and add one small red pepper, remove broccoli from steam and add them, stir well

· Add 1 cup of frozen peas and turn heat down to medium, stick a plate over the pan and cook for a few more minutes.

· Serve with rice – any kind of boiled or microwave

Omelette and wedges

· Preheat over to 200oC or whack the grill onto the highest setting

· Chop a few spuds into wedge shapes, drizzle with olive oil, stick in a bowl with a lid and put in the microwave for 10 minutes.

· Meanwhile whisk some eggs, add a handful or so of mild cheese and then pour over a frying pan on medium to high heat. Try and have one half over the heat more than the other.

· After a few minutes add whatever you can find in the fridge to the side with less heat. What works well in our house is some reduced salt ham (can find anywhere, in SuperValu, Lidl, Aldi etc), chopped with some chopping tomatoes and spinach with the stalks pulled off otherwise the eldest won’t eat ‘leaves’. I have even thrown in some left over pizza toppings on occasion.

· Fold over the side you heated the most to cover the toppings, turn heat to medium.

· Removed spuds from microwave and drain them in a colander, give them a good bashing to make them crumbly at the edges (I am great with cooking speak). Bit more olive oil or some paprika sprinkled over them to give a bit of flavour and stick them into the pre heated oven or under the grill to crisp them up. If you have an airfryer you can throw them in there for five minutes or so.

· When the omelette is cooked serve with your crispy wedges

Chicken stir fry with noodles

· Stick pan on high, add few glugs of olive oil, when hot add a packet of pre sliced chicken breast and season with a bit of black pepper.

· Whisk together 1/2 cup low sodium soy sauce, 1/2 cup chicken stock, 1 tablespoon corn starch (or more depending on how thick you like the sauce), 1 tablespoon honey (or maple syrup if baby is under one), 2 teaspoon sesame seed oil, 1 teaspoon rice vinegar, 1 tbsp of ground ginger and two gloves of garlic minced

· Once chicken is browned and cooked through add a bag of stir fry veg (again you can get them anywhere so I usually grab them on the way home from work when I know I need a quick dinner). Stir well and leave for two minutes

· Add your sauce and stir

· Add a packet of egg noodles (Tesco fresh ones are lovely for this and thick enough for little hands to pick up). Mix well and cooked for another 3-4 minutes stirring regularly until noodles are hot.

Pasta cheat

· Ring your local Italian restaurant on the way home and ask them for a portion of Bolognese sauce.

· Collect it

· Come home, stick on spaghetti for six minutes

· Dish out spaghetti with Italian restaurant sauce

Waffles, beans and chicken goujons

· Buy chilled breaded chicken goujons, stick them in the oven and cook per instructions

· Dig out waffles from the freezer and stick in the oven with the waffles

· Open a tin of bins and microwave in a bowl

· Serve everything when hot

Go all out

· Get out your phone

· Call your favourite takeaway

· Order your favourite dish and something not totally shit unhealthy for the kids.

· Wait for delivery

I hope you enjoyed reading!


Day Tripper

Our latest episode of Parenting Pobal, Day Triping is live!!

*WARNING: We mention the Legend of Santa a few times, listen when small ears not around.*

We talk about day trips with smallies, our favourite spots to tire them out along with some tips for various places.

Also we chat about some of our go-to Instagram accounts for day trip inspiration and rainy day ideas and moan a little about the lack of sleep to balance it all out.

Day Tripper